Thursday, April 26, 2012


This subject is personal, if you do not wish to read it I will not take offense at all; and completely understand.
I may not actually be infertile but I have not been able to have more children in almost 3 years of trying. My son will be 4 in a few months and I have wanted to provide him with a playmate and friend in a sibling since he was about 1 years old.

My dear friend posted this link on Infertility Etiquette; or how to treat friends and couples who have serious problems conceiving.
I find it has really useful and practical information and suggestions.

My friend Kim who used to live in my neighborhood shares her story in her blog about her unsuccessful fertility treatments and the heartache it caused her. I actually felt relieved that I was not the only person with this problem, even though I would not wish it upon anyone. Being able to relate to one another and help each other through life is deeply important to me and I'm proud of her for having the courage and resolve to share such a personal experience. She has encouraged others to share her story and I am happy she is so brave to help others in similar situations through the telling of her story.

I have always felt that I would have many children. We are so lucky to have our son and to be blessed with his spunky, wild and intelligent nature! I love him dearly and always will, and am very grateful I was able to conceive him and that I can nurture him in this life and teach him all the joys that life entails. I feel somewhat complacent feeling that I may not be able to have other children; when many couples I know cannot have even 1. Yet, still there is a pure feeling of sorrow within me. I love children, I have always loved babies, children and babysitting, nannying and taking care of them. I feel that I have always had a maternal nature and I connect with children emotionally. Random toddlers will often walk up to me where ever I am and smile, coo, or gawk at me; some even follow me around. In church when mothers are rocking their babies and quieting them, I can often be seen making funny faces at them and the wonderment in their eyes fills my soul with peace and majesty. My husband will tell you that I kiss my sons' cheeks often and hug him quite a bit. It really helps me see how blessed I am that I have him.

 I am not perfect and there are times when I make mistakes in raising my son; but that is normal and expected in a first-time parent with one child. I am learning every day. How to be more patient. How to try to keep my home cleaner and organized and how to feed my son things other than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and macaroni and cheese. We have gotten him to eat eggrolls, Yakisoba and Pork Burritos! He eats surprisingly well for his age and has a uncanny intellect. He is very savvy with technology like his father. Like me he loves socializing with people of any age; and often plays in our neighborhood with his cousins and  with children up to 11 years old who are his friends. He is not afraid of people, and loves everyone. We have to be careful about this trait, and mindful of his whereabouts. He loves to sing and asks me to to sing to him every night. He thinks I am a famous Opera Singer, which makes me feel good.

 He loves cars and is often caught in my car pretending to drive it and honking the horn, playing with the steering wheel and mirrors. We take him to the Zoo, Aqaurium, To City Creek Mall, I read to him in the library and let him check out books. He loves to play soccer, although he thinks it's more like Football and Rugby which is funny. He tackles people with the ball and throws the ball into the goal and away from people. It is so fun to watch! He goes to his practice today and maybe he'll learn that in American Soccer you kick the ball and don't tackle! Silly boy! Love him to bits though!

I am coming to terms with the possibility that I may not be able to have any more children. I am still grieving in my heart and mind and have not yet completed that stage yet. I may adopt in the future, when I feel that I have no chance of conception. I still feel there is some hope and have not given up. I will try to accept whatever future my Heavenly Father; my loving God has for me.

Chelsea Merkley


  1. Chelsea, you are amazing. I am sorry you have to go through this trial. You are a good mom and wife. Christian and Rob are blessed to have you. I hope you feel the Savior's loving arms wrapped around you.

  2. Thank you Liz. It is so hard to see lots of women getting easilt pregnant and expecting. I am happy for them, but part of me cries with sorrow everytime i see a pregnant mom or someone with a newborn or little baby. I need to learn to be happy in their joy and be more accepting of my life circumstances. I so appreciate your kind words Liz. BTW my son's name is Christopher but it mean's Christ Bearer, similar to the meaning of Christian.

    I really need to try to be more thankful for the child I have.